Let’s talk about the types of french fries. Some are just always better, and some are just always worse.
French Fry Sizes
Shoestring Fries
Shoestring fries are the really thin and stringy. They have the distinction of being the worst sort of fries. I’ve only enjoyed shoestring fries once, but I still wouldn’t recommend them.
These get cold quicker and they taste worse cold because they’re almost all oil. Not only that, but you’re getting more oil in your diet than other fries–so they’re worse for your health (this is my plausible opinion, not nutrition statistics).
Here’s my general experience with shoestring fries: I dip one in sauce and the fry/sauce ratio is all off because the fry is so skinny. So I grab about four at a time, but it’s unsatisfying because your hands get messy and it’s harder to dip. So I try to eat just one again, but find this is tedious. It’s a vicious cycle that ends with cold, uneaten fries.
These are just the worst type of fries. They have no redeeming qualities. (Sorry, Steak n’ Shake! Your fries are just the worst.)
Normal Fries
No one has a consistent label for normal-sized fries. Sometimes they’re called Standard Cut or people add labels to make them sound fancier (like Fresh-Cut). It’s the size of fry you would expect when you buy chips from an English establishment, or when you get … french fries. They’re typically square in profile.
Even so, there’s a lot of variations within this category. Fries can be shorter or longer depending on which way you cut the potato. They can be thicker (think hole-in-the-wall burger joint) or thinner (think McDonald’s). These fries typically have the most variations so they’re hard to categorize. Some of the best and worst fries out there are just normal-sized.
Steak Fries
Steak fries are larger than normal fries, and are usually rectangular in profile. They’re generally peeled.
Steak fries are the most consistently good size of fry. Even steak fries from a frozen grocery-store brand are edible. They may not always be the best but they’ll generally be good (think Red Robin).
Potato Wedges
These are irregularly shaped steak-fries that usually still contain the skins. They can be great, but for some reason they’re not as exciting. Potato Wedges are more likely to be baked, to have seasoning, and to be fancy. Don’t buy the hype–it’s just a steak fry with less labor.
The Whole Potato
I once had “fries” where they just served whole fingerling potatoes with some fancy sauce on top. These aren’t french fries, just mini baked potatoes. Yet… they were marketed as fries. Perhaps you will have the misfortune of being served whole potato fries someday.
Other French Fry Characteristics
Breaded
Typically, breaded fries are normal sized fries that are breaded beforehand. The beautiful thing about breaded fries is that they’re easier to season than raw potatoes. You’ll often experience breaded fries with paprika, garlic, rosemary, truffle oil (which is generally not real truffles folks), or ranch seasoning.
I love breaded fries. Some of the best fries I’ve ever had are breaded.
Baked
I very rarely see baked fries in the wild, but it’s common practice for people to make them at home. It’s a great alternative for the health-conscious, and it’s surprisingly easy to do. I think it would be great if more establishments took on baked fries as a challenge. In some ways, these aren’t french fries anymore, because they aren’t as oily – but they’re just as satisfying if done well.
Fresh-Cut
I’m still not sure what fresh-cut is an alternative to. Bought-cut? Frozen-cut? We probably need a name for the alternative if we’re going to continue to use this label. I think it’s just marketing lingo for “we cut these potatoes ourselves”. Just because something is fresh-cut doesn’t make it good, but it’s nice that they care about doing it right. Establishments that make great food shouldn’t have to clarify this point.
Double or Triple Fried
It would seem obvious what this is, but I really would like to know what difference it makes to taste and texture. I’m still figuring that out. Double-fried is more common, but I’ve also tasted triple-fried.
Belgian Fries are usual double-fried. Steak fries are often double-fried.
Undercooked
Hey, this is a category too. If you’ve had under-cooked fries, you will remember how unsatisfying and frustrating it is. If an establishment serves undercooked fries, don’t eat there. (And if they market undercooked fries… let me know. That would make a great blog post.)
Potato-Patch
This is Pittsburgh-specific. Some yinzer institutions (such as the glorious Christopher’s Gourmet Pizza, a.k.a. Pizza Beer) market their fries as being similar to Potato Patch fries. This term comes from the french fries sold at Potato Patch in Kennywood, which are distinguished by being … well just fresh-cut. It’s really just unpeeled fresh-cut fries (they still have skins). But it’s a fun term that gets people’s attention in Pittsburgh.
The original at Kennywood aren’t the best fries you’ll ever have (sorry yinz!), but they are pretty good. So many people buy them that you’re guaranteed fresh, hot fries. And that’s a great thing.
