Baking Cookies
When my mother asked me to bake cookies with her, the “with her” part was more important than the “cookies” part. If I made the cookies on my own and gave them to her, she might be pleased with the initiative, but… I missed the point.
I think about this simple lesson often. There are many things that we consider doing for people that we should consider doing with them. There are many things we do for God that mean little if they aren’t done with God. This is how relationships are built; they aren’t simply transactional.
Consider prayer. How many times have you said to someone you’d pray for them? Interestingly, Jesus never said this to anyone that we know of; when he spoke of praying for others, it was always in the past: “I have prayed for you Peter”. When Jesus was most anxious in prayer, he asked the apostles to be with him. The truth is, it’s easier to pray for someone in the safety of your routine and the safety of them not knowing when or where you will do it. How much closer would we be to both people and God if we prayed with each other?
Consider teaching. The best teachers are those who work with you, not those who simply give you resources. Jesus asked his followers to follow him, to walk with him and walk like him, not simply to observe his teaching. And at the end of his ministry, when he commissioned his followers to teach and serve, he made sure to emphasize: “surely I am with you always.” I often wonder how comfortable I would be with someone learning life by following me around and imitating my behavior. It’s a good litmus test for authenticity.
This principle holds true in many areas of relationships: leadership, vacation, serving, dating… The allure of doing things for people is that it’s more efficient, and often feels like we’re able to do more this way; but it’s ultimately not effective for building the kind of relationships we want. I want to bake cookies with people, not just for them.
